Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
