just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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