His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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