So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
