okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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