What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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