In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
