Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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