Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
