i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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