Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
