No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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