I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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