i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
