i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
