Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
