We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
