Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
