So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Your dad touched me again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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