she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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