I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
