he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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