Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
