maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
