i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
