i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its liver damage thursday
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
