Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
