Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
