I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
