If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
