FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
