i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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