somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
