Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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