Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
