foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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