My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
