I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
