i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
