too bad you live with your parents still
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
