i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
