i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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