so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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