OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
