so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it hurts more in the daytime
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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