O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
