On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize