I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
