Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
