I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize