Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
