Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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