She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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