I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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