i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
