sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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