5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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