Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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