I heard we made out
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
one might say we're banned from that church
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
