Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
