we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
