I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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