So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
