There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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