I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
