Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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