So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
3pm strippers are depressing
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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