they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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