I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
