Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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