im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wear drunk well.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
