so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize