We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So much rum. So many feels.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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