Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
