I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
