I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
